That Tiny Little Book
by The Fallen Dark Angel
Summary: Neku keeps a little book of letters to Joshua, it would be a shame if it fell into the wrong hands (tiny NekuJosh if you squint.)


_**Hi, in the original of this some bits were crossed through but I can't on here so I underlined them instead ^.^ happy reading!**_

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_It's New Year tonight. _Joshua thought sadly to himself. He was curled up on a bed he had materialised in an empty room at the back of WildKat. The room had been cleared, possibly to make room for the composer by Mr H but it was still dull. The room was unpainted, uncarpeted and the furniture was mismatched, all materialised from a fee clicks of the permanent teenagers phone.

Usually on New Years, Joshua would head to the top of the 104 building to see all the people scrabble around outside. He would watch the fireworks that bloomed like flowers over the city and he would skate carefully on icy roads and a duck pond, invisible to the usual human eye. As he made his own celebrations away from the drunken hustle and bustle of the crowd of celebrators.

Tonight however, Joshua just wanted to stay in his room and avoid the outside city in his own little world. He hadn't seen Neku since the game and this was the first New Year since then. He wanted his friend - more like acquaintance to Joshua now- to have some time without him snooping around after him; a sort of New Years present from the composer to the survivor of his torture.

Joshua had been following the ginger haired boy around since the end of the game. He told Sanae it was for research. A kind of 'aftercare' but the fallen angel would always purse his lips at the suggestion and change the topic quickly. He knew no restrictions had been put on the composer since his suicidal mission but he still believed that Joshua should be being careful with what remained of his life.

It _was_ aftercare in a way, Joshua just wanted to make sure Neku was moving on with his life, making new friends and trying new things.

Of course, Joshua would only follow Neku around the streets. He only saw what Neku wanted the world to see about him, he saw someone who was happy with life and it made him want to stay away, go home and leave the other boy alone.

Most of the time that's what he did.

Alone in his room sat a hunched over sixteen year old. Neku was sitting on his windowsill again with his large window open so one of his legs would dangle down in the breeze. The cold made him shiver but he was more concentrated on the little book balanced on his bent knee.

_It's the start of a new year. Hopefully you might let me see you soon. I always know when you're there; I always want you to show yourself. Why won't you follow me home? I want you to see what you've done to me, how you've affected me. I'm changed from who I used to be, so I don't hate you for what you did._

_I don't forgive you still, but I want to see you._

_Maybe you can meet me at Hachiko sometime soon?_

The notebook Neku has scribbled into was full of old notes exactly the same. All from the last half of the year, from the second week after the game he had started this journal of sorts. They were all letters to Joshua. It was a thin book, an old one that had once been filled with sketches that had been made almost invisible by the dark ink Neku wrote in until there were only there to make pretty indents on the paper. Neku looked fondly at one page seeing a picture of a robin on a stick he had drawn last Christmas. Underneath was a scribbled, quicker version but he had swapped out wings and feet in order to give the animal noise-like appendages. The thought of a Robin as noise unnerved Neku. He didn't understand how the game could take peaceful animals like there and turn them into beasts. A wolf, he could understand using but a penguin? A pig? A _rabbit?_ He couldn't understand those animals.

Neku's thought pattern was interrupted as the book balanced on Neku's knee slid off and down the slanted roof section below his window. It picked up speed and seemed to _jump _off the ledge and onto the top of a bus that stopped almost outside his house. Neku let out a strangled noise and reached out for the book, but he knew he couldn't reach the top of the bus from the _ground_ floor, how could he ever reach the top if he climbed?

Before Neku had time to formulate a plan, the bus was speeding off in the direction of town. Neku rushed out of his room, hastily pulling on some boots, a hat, coat and scarf before he ran outside into here cold weather the end of December brought with it.

A tiny book slipped off the back of the 47 bus as it bowled past Joshua. The bus had skidded on a partially hard to see patch of ice at the time and the book had almost landed straight on Joshua's head. The composer scowled at the back of the bus but didn't do anything about the mistake otherwise. He was curious about the book that had fallen at his feet and after brushing some gravel and snow off it, flicked it open to a page somewhere in the middle.

Joshua had been walking around in his own city. He had decided that didn't want to be alone right now with his thoughts and had wanted to look around without being invisible. Sometimes he loved the feel of people bruising into his arms and the warmth of bodies that stood too close at traffic lights and pushed you into the wall or windows of shops because that didn't see you there apparently. Joshua didn't care if they didn't see him, he just liked that they could touch him and that he could touch them in return.

The silver haired boy turned his attention to the book in his hands again. It had been flipped open to a random page with what seemed like two separate entries onto the book almost as if it was a diary... Curiosity spiked, Joshua pulled the item closer to his face to read.

_It's been three months now I think? Shiki keeps asking me to go on dates with her. I can't say 'no' many more times before I explode. Why can't she just get over me and __try it on with Beat or something_the last part of the sentence, the bit about Beat, was scribbled out in a messy haste. S_orry that was uncalled for. I just wish she would find someone else she liked more than me. _The date wasn't marked but it didn't stop Joshua to try and feel like he was in this persons shoes. He looked over to the next page with wide eyes.

_Joshua please come back. __I want you around__ you're an __**asshole**_**.** Was all the next entry said. Underneath was a drawing depicting a silver haired boy with purple headphones balancing on top of his lilac coloured shoulders and a smile on his face. Not the smirk Neku had seen, but a genuine smile.

Joshua didn't realise how close to the actual article Neku could get.

Joshua traced over his face with a finger loving the way the paper sounded and felt as he ran it against his soft skin. He flipped the page again not expecting to see what he did. Joshua's eyes widened when he saw blood dripped onto the pages of the old sketch book.

_I can't believe I was so careless before, there's blood on this page how could I ever send this letter? I guess I never would anyway but it's nice to be given the option._

_No I didn't this blood isn't recent, just so you know. When I was younger I cut myself because I was stressed over the death of a friend. That was the only reason._

The writing cut off there like it was justification for what had been done in the past. The picture under the words was a beautiful pinned ribbon with beads and gold embroider into sketched silk.

The next page had no writing on except their two names, Joshua and Neku, were printed above a sunset pink and purple with a blooming Sakura tree spreading it's petals out in the wind. A couple stood at the back of the drawing holding onto each other by the forearms as one floated up in the sky carried off by a great pair of wings on his back.

Joshua looked up and around the crowd. He could see his breathe fanning out in front of him but all he could think about was returning the book he held to its rightful owner!

...after he read a few more pages.

_I hate you so much. I hate you more than I hate the game just die. I can't forgive you; I don't want you to follow me anymore._

The rest of the page was filled with scribbles. Some could be seen as things such as noise while others were covering words that Joshua couldn't make out. He was surprised the pressure of the pen hadn't gone through the page.

_I'm sorry... I want you to follow me. At least, I hope it's you. Please come back._

Joshua was surprised that Neku could feel him when he was walking around. He didn't realise he was detectable to the usual human.

That's when the composer realised with a smile that Neku wasn't a normal human and that he really wished that the other knew for sure it was him, instead of someone else following him.

Joshua didn't have to look up to see Neku run around the corner; he could feel his presence already. "Hey you! Is that my-" at the sound of his voice, Joshua turned to look at Neku, if only out of politeness. The silver haired boy smiled slightly turning to fully face Neku with the open book in hand.

"Didn't realise you cared," he said, a small smirk growing on his face. He tossed the book over the short distance between him and his proxy watching as it bounced off Neku's chest as the ginger teenager stood and stared at him. "Pick up the book, dear," Joshua said when Neku didn't move for a few seconds.

"How much did you read?" Neku mumbled as he slipped the book into one of his oversized pockets.

"Just about enough," the composer said. There was no emotion on his face anymore. The two boys mirrored each other, wearing poker faces so neither could tell their emotions. It was too bad for Neku that Joshua had had the time to learn to read his eye

"Joshua how much is-"

"It is me following you,"

"I know. You obviously didn't read the entry from today," Neku crossed his arms while Joshua shifted his weight onto one leg and clasped his fingers together looking beautiful and deadly all at the same time.

"Can I?" a hand reached out in Neku's direction causing him to recoil back with a look of worry on his face. Joshua only just caught the subtle change.

"No."

"If you don't want me to follow you then I can-" Joshua didn't know how to complete his sentence, he just trailed off looking up at Neku as he saw his thoughts travelling around in his brain.

"I don't want you to follow me," he said finally causing Joshua's lips to turn down slightly in a pouty frown.

"I want you to be my friend," the boy announced as he walked forward to stand face to face with the composer. He had a look of determination in his eyes which twinkled brightly in the artificial light of the street lamps. A small smile appeared on Joshua's face as he thought of the concept.

He leaned up and gave Neku a quick peck on the cheek stunning the ginger to silence so he froze like a statue.

"If only it could be that simple," he said before he faded from his spot in the snow. Neku looked alarmed at first before the shock faded down into anger. The book in his pocket burned and he pulled it out to look at what pages Joshua could have looked at.

In the page for New Year's Eve, under Neku's messy scribble a new sentence had been written in handwriting other than his own. Neku's eyes widened as he slammed the book shut. He continued walking away from the spot he had last seen the composer denying to himself that the tears in the corners of his eyes were there for any reason other than anger

-_I'm sorry I can't see you in person anymore. I miss you maybe we can go to Hachiko in another universe. _


End file.
